Posts tagged ‘law of attraction’

5 Things That Rocked Our Parenting World

I was washing the dishes the other day feeling thankful for a few things that have radically changed our lives in terms of parenting, and although I write about all aspects of my life I realized it isn’t usually in bullet point style but rather more prosaic and random. And then I thought that perhaps a direct description might be helpful, especially for newcomers to the blog that haven’t found themselves thumbing through the archives.

So here they are.

Empathy

Sometimes, while walking the dog, I can get a little airy-fairy thinking about empathy. The more I think about it, the more I realize it is the key to everything. Finding the strength or ability to empathize with someone else drastically changes not only the terrain of the conversation or argument but the geology of the relationship itself. And when it comes to kids it is truly miraculous. Ancient struggles like tooth brushing, bedtime, and sibling squabbles literally melt away when any individual involved can feel empathy for another.

Using empathy while parenting means that as soon as feelings come up for your children you recognize them with words and spirit and then communicate this back. If done honestly, without even a trace of condescension, the effect is instantaneous. Once we realized the potential for using empathy we completely switched over, forgoing punishment, threats, time-outs, praise, bribes, rewards, stickers, and any imposed consequences. For more on this topic browse through the first two categories in the column to your right.

Attachment Parenting

All of our girls started life with the benefits of attachment parenting. Co-sleeping, baby wearing, and a strong connection with their parents, eased them all through babyhood, but we didn’t stop there. We continue to parent in a way that fosters connection. Each decision is made by weighing whether or not the action is one that will connect us to our children or move them, even slightly, away. The principles of attachment are our barometer. For more on this read Mothering Magazine, or visit Attachment Parenting International.

Law of Attraction

There is a theory that thoughts create reality and it makes sense to us. Most people apply this theory to manifest money or something else desirable but not yet acquired, but we realized it can also be applied to parenting. We are careful to use only language that describes what we want to happen instead of what we are afraid might happen.

Not: Careful honey! I don’t want you to fall and poke your eye out with that stick.

Instead: Honey, I want you to stay safe. Will you walk while holding that stick?

Children always hear the nouns and verbs of the sentence, instead of all the conjunctions. So in the first example they hear eye, stick, poke, which makes it far more likely that they will indeed stab themselves with the stick. In the second example they hear safe, walk, stick, which conjures an image of what the parent would prefer to see.

Alfie Kohn

When we were struggling with the uselessness of time-outs we stumbled upon Kohn’s book Unconditional Parenting and a whole world was opened to us that made a lot of sense. I love logic and the argument he makes for ditching both punishment and praise is undeniably convincing. The stance of unconditional parenting drastically changed the dynamics in our family and I am thankful for it every day. Look here and here for more of my thoughts on this topic and here to purchase your own copy of the book.

Homeopathy

It sounds too good to be true but it turns out that disagreeable behaviors, like biting, pinching, contrariness, food cravings, or screaming, can be attributed to imbalances in health instead of personality types, childhood “stages”, or attitude problems. And, in addition, the imbalance can immediately be addressed with homeopathy.

Homeopathy follows the theory that like cures like. If a child is experiencing grumpiness, a snotty nose, cravings for sugar, and sleeping with his butt in the air, there is something (a plant, mineral, or toxin) in the world that, if ingested in quantity, would create this same set of symptoms. But when that same substance is diluted to an extreme degree, in the form of a sugar pellet remedy, and ingested, these same symptoms go away. When Echo is nursing more often that usual, overly obsessed with reading, hitting, and talking in her sleep, there is a remedy that matches this set of seemingly random symptoms and if she takes it the symptoms depart. So instead of looking for ways to parent her out of a state like this, or waiting for her to “grow out of it”, we can talk to our doctor  and drop a few pellets on her tongue instead. It feels like magic.

These are the biggies, the things I am thankful to have stumbled upon. I hope they help you too.

Oops. Also…

Sign Language. We used sign language with all three girls and thus avoided truckloads of crying and frustration. When they needed help, they signed for help. When they were hungry they signed for food. In short, NO GUESSING, which made for happy kids, and happy parents.

Modeling. Children emulate what they see. We want our kids to say “please” and “thank you’ and the best way we have found to create these “good manners” is to use “thank you” and “please” when we are talking. We have never prompted.

Elimination Communication. We were late to get on the gentle pottying train. We didn’t start until Echo came along and it wasn’t until after her first birthday that we truly began in earnest, but it was worth it. We tuned into her cycles and mannerisms and within six months she was wearing underwear. Read more here.


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May 8, 2010 at 7:08 pm 2 comments

the feeling ladder

Think of a ladder of feelings with low ones on the bottom and high ones on the top…bliss, joy, delight, gratitude. Keep this feeling ladder in your mind. You can create a real one by cutting up the Feeleez poster and putting them on the wall, or make the ladder with the game cards.

Whenever you are feeling something you don’t particularly enjoy, the low feelings, choose a thought that will move you one step HIGHER. Then, choose the next higher thought, and so on.

You will not only improve your mood, but you will shift your vibration and the Universe will respond by matching that vibration and life will keep getting more pleasing.

January 21, 2009 at 4:28 am 1 comment

law of attraction quote

Most people don’t think that new-born children could be the Creator of their own reality because they are not even talking, yet. But the Universe is not responding to your language, anyway. The Universe is responding to your vibration — and your vibration is about the way you feel.
abraham-hicks

December 14, 2008 at 8:27 pm Leave a comment


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