Keeping With The Theme

July 19, 2010 at 9:00 am 2 comments

Early on in my relationship with Nathan, we made the now familiar three-plane trip to Alabama to visit his folks. In the middle somewhere, maybe in Atlanta, Bella fell asleep on my chest. She’s a big girl, she’s always been big, and her three-year old frame filled my entire torso and pinned me to the plastic airport chair. As I was immobilized, Nathan fed me bits of food, an avocado if I remember correctly. With the heavy weight of sleeping child on my chest, and tasty food brought to my waiting lips, I was purring like a kitten. Nathan too seemed quite content, he turned to gaze at me with glowing warmth and said, You look like a queen.

I surely felt like a queen, motherhood had always been appealing to me, but what struck me more was that he found motherhood appealing. Mothering is beautiful to Nathan. I dropped a few feet further into love in that Atlanta airport. If you want to be a mother, there is something extremely appealing in a man who finds the role of mother attractive. I’m not sure if this quality is rare or simply routinely squashed. Our american culture would have us believe that to be a mama is to relegate ourselves to slovenly housewife aesthetics, to un-sexiness and unattractiveness. Women in heels and underwear are the standard image of beauty, and never include a baby on the hip.

I blame feminism for this, or at least the form of feminism that was finally allowed. The push for women to be equal to men at the workplace did not mean that they could bring their womanliness into the boardroom, it meant they could bring their best impression of men into the boardroom. Curves, breast-feeding, and menstruation weren’t honored by more, they were shoved aside, or at least scooted over to make room for all the new roles women could play if they so desired.

Women today are expected, or expect themselves, to be “more than just a mother”, to run a business, maintain an immaculate home, volunteer, have lots of sex with her husband, and raise children. More and more I see women wanting to have children without looking like they have children. Boob jobs, tummy tucks, and daycare all maintain the illusion of unattached, sexy, non-maternalness.

I really didn’t intend to climb onto a soapbox with this post. There is certainly nothing wrong with looking good, but I wonder about the outside influences that encourage us to move away from motherliness in order to do so. If left to their own judgement I think women would declare their child rearing days as the time they felt the most beautiful. Round and ripe, part of the earth and sky, and tied inextricably to all the curvy, juicy women that came before.

Entry filed under: life lessons. Tags: , , , , , , .

Broken Record Did I ever Mention This?

2 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Joanna  |  July 20, 2010 at 1:17 pm

    I was just thinking about the “feminism” thing as well. We are stuck in a tough place as mothers who want to stay at home. Not only are we sort of scorned by the “feminists” for not being all that we can be, but as a culture, we are now conditioned to function in a double income family structure. So, the goal of being a stay-at-home mom means coming up with some sort of plan to make money while staying at home, because hardly anyone can get by on one income anymore. It’s so not family friendly. The expectation is to put your kid in daycare all day, while you work to pay for the bills. If you don’t want to do this, too bad, there is no support for you.
    You have to be a freakin’ revolutionary to make the decision to stay at home it feels like.

    • 2. nataliechristensen  |  July 20, 2010 at 1:35 pm

      well put sister.


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