hankering for something other than chocolate

April 12, 2010 at 8:16 pm 2 comments

I bought a jigsaw puzzle today at the Goodwill. $1.99. Not even a beautiful or interesting image, but it does have a zillion pieces, which is what I was looking for. It’s spread out on the kitchen table, waiting for my hands.

Tuning in to what I want, in life, for lunch, for my relationship, is a continuous challenge. Sometimes I don’t eat because I can’t hear what my body is asking for over the clamor of regular life bustling around me. Other times I don’t notice I’m practically dying of thirst because I’m stimulated by a good conversation, an argument, or a blog post. But occasionally I’ll hear the inner me shouting for something random and specific and am able to quickly oblige.

A jigsaw puzzle craving.  Random shapes and pattern, the satisfaction of finding the right fit, the blissed out blank mind of concentration. That’s what my body/mind/spirit was jonesing for. I’m not entirely surprised. I’ve always loved puzzles. I have fond memories of me as a pre-teen “rocking” out to the Stand by Me soundtrack and clicking pieces together on my parents round dining room table. It was one of the only things I was completely content to do alone. I was the kid who dragged any project I was working on into any room that contained another person. I just wanted to be close. But with a puzzle at hand I didn’t care.

In fact, now that  I think about it, my junior high crush/boyfriend showed up at the house that day and I was so absorbed in the puzzle I didn’t notice his arrival. I had no time to change my outfit, answering the door in a tank top and bikini bottoms. Which, looking back, probably worked in my favor but at the time I sure didn’t feel sexy, especially since I didn’t really know about sexy yet and there was 50s music and a dorky puzzle strewn across the table behind me. Oh well.

In any case, today I embraced my craving and look forward to snapping a few pieces together, by myself, while Echo sleeps and Nathan is out. And tonight I’m not bothered by any sense of dorkiness, although I no longer own a copy of the Stand by Me soundtrack, which is too bad, dorky or not.

But before I go, I’d like to thank you all for your comments and emails about the last post, and my queries about emotional bravery, attraction, and all that comes with that subject. I am touched by your thoughts, by your willingness to share your ideas and experiences, and your care for me and my concerns. I’d like to keep the dialog going as I think this area of our lives is full of potential to face some of our fears and embrace, lovingly, who we really are.

As for me, I’ve landed back on the brave end of my emotional spectrum again. I’m sure I’ll dance all over the place, concerning this subject, until I’m an old lady. For me there are no simple answers, only more questions, feelings, and curiosity, but it sure feels good to have company as I sort through the pieces of my own, personal, puzzle.

Thanks. xxoo

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Entry filed under: life lessons. Tags: , , , .

options for less brave days look out

2 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Annie  |  April 12, 2010 at 9:28 pm

    i have a copy of stand by me. i’ll burn it for you.

    Reply
    • 2. nataliechristensen  |  April 12, 2010 at 9:40 pm

      you’re the best.

      Reply

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