I feel… disheartened/rapturous/hormonal

February 5, 2010 at 10:37 pm 5 comments

I am struck by the rich nest of life. There is just so much. And by “much” I mean everything. All the feelings. The smells. The images. The conversations. And not just mine either.

I am realizing more and more that everybody has a full plate of life in their hands. No one is skating along without something that is drawing their attention or causing swells of emotions.

Someone is going through a breakup and not wanting that to be true.

Someone is juggling a newborn and a toddler. Figuring out the mysterious ailments of a non-speaking tiny being while also trying to care for the equally confounding psyche of a three-year old.

Someone is fighting off a bankruptcy. Struggling to stay true to his honorable ethics, to keep promises to his supporters, while keeping a business and home alive.

Someone is entering new territory, newly sober. Having to reconfigure her routine, and relationships, her entire life.

Someone is holding long overdue and refreshingly frank conversations with a person he loves dearly. Lifting the weight of three decades of unspoken words off his chest.

This is all happening, all the time, to someone.

Mix this up with the sound of fresh crunching snow, the smell of clean laundry, the dazzle of a pistachio-green scarf, a lavender sweatshirt, and a moss-green coat. Mix in the sound of a two-year old apologizing, and the feeling of someone brushing your hair. Stir it around and you’ve got, a stunning, dizzying, rich, view of life.

This has been my view lately. At times I want a different perspective. Noticing all of this happening everywhere to everyone is too much. Other times I want to freeze it and savour it and nudge the person next to me in shared wonder. I feel, alternately, disheartened and rapturous.

But the truth is that I’m probably pre-menstrual. It’s possible that in a week I won’t be as doe-eyed about it all. I won’t write abstract posts about the wonders of Life. The thought that something as mundane as a menstrual cycle might be the cause is both a buzzkill and a comfort. It means that I might not notice the shadow the bike rack makes against the grey sidewalk, but it also means I won’t sigh about the struggles of people I don’t know, or cry at the end of the movie.

Then again, there really isn’t anything mundane about a menstrual cycle either, it and the rest of the reproductive cycle is one of the most impressive, perfect, and magical systems found anywhere… But here I go again, lost in the wonder of it all.

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welcome chaos curiosity

5 Comments Add your own

  • 1. thecatsman  |  February 5, 2010 at 10:42 pm

    Wonderfuly insightful post..Thanks for the thinking thoughts…

    Reply
  • 2. Hilaree  |  February 6, 2010 at 5:52 am

    oh. lovely.

    Reply
  • 3. fillydesigns  |  February 6, 2010 at 10:43 am

    Maybe I am pre-menstrual too but I can’t stop crying over one line in the someone list having to do with three decades. I love the way you write and love that you keep track of how everyone is doing. I trust that you are actually concerned with my life and then I read a post like this and I realize that not only had I just assumed you were concerned, you actually are. With me, with Echo, with everyone. You are so amazing.

    Reply
  • 4. fillydesigns  |  February 6, 2010 at 10:44 am

    Oh, and I have a pale yellow, caramel, cream banded nubby sweater for you.

    Reply
  • 5. Joanna Smetanka  |  February 6, 2010 at 10:45 am

    oh man, I totally hear you. It is all so much sometimes. and everybody has an entire novel of life goings on that shape them. it reminds me to be tender towards everyone, even if I don’t want to be. thanks for the reminder.

    Reply

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