cruising

December 2, 2009 at 5:00 am 3 comments

Kris asked me how I’m doing today and I realized I’m doing pretty good. I feel light, and easily satisfied, and so very, very grateful, not only for my life but also for not feeling down, grey, blue, heavy. I am so tired of feeling that way.

Drawing a life map for myself shifted things around. My vision had grown tunneled, I wasn’t sure what I wanted, I just knew I didn’t have it. Laying it out, loud and clear, gave me something else to plug in when my mind began to wander the shadowy paths. I can feel areas of tension, they surround me and are very real. But when I lay in bed at night and start to fret over money, christmas gifts, the girls, (It’s the thing I do right when I am completely powerless to do anything to “solve” these issues),  I instead turn my mind-crank it really- toward the vision of what I want. I use the drawing as a cheat sheet and literally peruse it in my mind, envisioning these accomplishments and descriptions as real.

I have that map in mind now when I think about my day. If I want to do/be _______, then what do I need or want to do today? What leads me to that spot? I know that’s where I’m going so I want to start moving my feet. And that feels like living, really living, not glancing at the clock to see when Nathan is coming home, or when bedtime might be, or if it’s time to feed the dog. That feels better.

Looking back on today, the only thing I can think to grumble about is the number of “whys” coming out of Echo’s mouth.

Mama, what’s that sound?

That’s the turn signal on the car. It lets people know we are turning.

Why?

Well if cars know we are turning, then they can look out for us and we don’t crash into each other.

Why?

Cars don’t want to crash into each other.

Why?

Because people can get hurt, and the cars get kind of crushed up and don’t work as well.

Why?

Cars need to have all their parts just the way they are or they don’t work.

Why?

aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Torturous? Yes. But if that’s the worst part of my day, answering my sweet girl’s questions, though they be many, then I’m doing pretty good. Pretty good indeed.

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Entry filed under: empathy, life lessons. Tags: , , , , , .

inventory not hating

3 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Ivy  |  December 2, 2009 at 8:41 am

    You have just added some light to my day. I am so glad you are in a happier/more comfortable place. While I do not have that map you created for yourself, I feel like I am on a similar journey. Moving toward what feels right for myself and my family. In no small part do I feel that you and Kris have had a hand in this for me. I appreciate so much the insights you both give.

    Reply
  • 2. Marirose  |  December 5, 2009 at 11:39 am

    I’m so glad to read that you are feeling pretty well! I love reading your (and Kris’) posts and they help me along on my own journey. Keep up the awesome, heartfelt work, Natalie!

    By the way, when one of my kids starts up with all the “why’s” I usually try to turn it around and ask them (for example), “why do YOU think cars don’t want to crash into each other?” This often leads to a much more interesting conversation than when I just answer their whys. Plus, they usually have an unusual perspective about things!

    Reply
  • 3. Angela Malson  |  December 5, 2009 at 8:19 pm

    cruising, love it! so glad you are feeling better, your life maps sound awesome! lately, i have been feeling more like we are just treading water, mostly with money and bills, and with too many scheduled activities, and stuff complicating daily life. but, i have been trying to start to take actual steps to reach those dreams of a simpler life. had a yard sale today and got rid of tons of stuff, and made a little cash for christmas. felt better.

    also, like the boys do with their feeleez, trying to know where i am in the moment and then where i want to be, the girl with the flowy arms keeps coming to mind. they will choose a card where they are in that moment and then one for where they want to be. they like to end up with her, too, i think she is very calm and happy.

    Reply

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