Archive for May, 2009

snowy dialog

trust
I’m going to start posting actual dialog that occurs in our house. Not because every word spoken in our house is a gem of wisdom, (no way!) but because we have heard that it is helpful for parents to hear how we communicate with our kids. By the end of the day my brain is not capable of remembering more than one exchange verbatim so please keep in mind that these excerpts are not necessarily exciting or ground breaking, just a conversation that I remember.

This is an exchange between me (Natalie), Xi (5 years old), and Echo (2 years old).

Xi: Echo!!! I was playing with that!
Echo: NO! No Xi! I’m playing with that!! (screeching)
Me: Xi will you please let go of…
Xi: (panicked, crying) But Nallie I want Snowy back!
Me: OK. I can help you with that, but grabbing Snowy out of her hands isn’t going to work. Echo, Xi feels like she wasn’t done playing with that teddy bear will you give it back to her?
Echo: No.
Me: Xi, to be fair, Snowy was just sitting there so she looked available to Echo.
Xi: But Snowy was watching me do Webkinz!
Me: OK but now you are done with Webkinz what did you have in mind for Snowy?
Xi: I was going to just walk around with her.
Me: OK do you want to talk to Echo about that?
Xi: Echo I wasn’t done with her yet. I was going to walk around with her. Can I have her now?
Echo: No I hold her.
Xi: Nallie!
Me: Echo I see that you are holding Snowy and having a turn. Just to let you know Xi is waiting to have her back.
Echo: (no answer)
…time passes. meanwhile Xi tries to pretend that Snowy is crying for her to hold her etc.
Me: Xi I think that you pretending to talk for Snowy and pretending that she wants you to hold her is keeping Echo interested in Snowy.
Xi: But I want her back. Will you help me get her?
Me: Yeah. What I think I will do is wait one or two minutes and then talk to Echo about it again.
Xi: Two minutes!! How ’bout one minute.
Me: OK
…a few minutes later…
Echo: Here you go Xi. You can have Snowy.

This exchange wouldn’t work if there were not A LOT of trust in place. They trust that we can work it out. They trust that I care about each of their feelings. To find out more about creating a trusting relationship with your kid please visit us

May 26, 2009 at 3:05 am 4 comments


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