Hitting Isn’t “Nice”

April 6, 2009 at 7:16 am 1 comment


When you tell a child that something they are doing “isn’t nice” you are lying. Nothing ever falls into such a succinct category. What we usually mean to say is we don’t like what the child is doing or that we are concerned someone else might not like what they are doing. We are trying to communicate our feelings when we say something like this, but we are failing. If we want kids to tell us how they are feeling or care about other people’s feelings then let’s start by modeling that. It would be better to say, “Wow! I feel worried you guys are going to get hurt with that game!” or “Hey, I feel sad when you hit her,” or simply show you care about everyone’s feelings by asking them how they feel about what is going on. In this video Xi and Echo demonstrate that on this day, in this moment, hitting is fine (and fun!).
There is no “nice”, there are only feelings in reaction to actions and these change moment to moment, day to day.

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Entry filed under: discipline. Tags: , .

thoughts posing as feelings what if?

1 Comment Add your own

  • 1. Amy Mayfield  |  September 1, 2009 at 4:39 pm

    Good advice, Natalie…you are giving me a lot to think about this morning!

    Reply

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