Archive for March, 2009

thoughts posing as feelings

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There are many anger-producing thoughts which we tend to think are feelings.
When we say..”I feel…
abandoned
attacked
blamed
betrayed
cornered
criticized
ignored
insulted
intimidated
invalidated
left out
let down
manipulated
misunderstood
neglected
pressured
put down
rejected
threatened
unimportant
unseen
unheard

We are actually expressing thoughts, not feelings, about what we think others are doing to us. It is more accurate to say…
I think you are rejecting me and when I think that thought I feel angry, sad, lonely. I want to trust that you care about me.

Read more in Respectful Parents, Respectful Kids by Sura Hart and Victoria Kindle Hodson

March 16, 2009 at 3:37 am 3 comments

Bed Head

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What does bed head have to do with empathy? Well, everything.

She doesn’t want me to brush her hair. I only have to step into her shoes for a brief moment to understand what that would be like. She’s in the middle of a game and doesn’t want me yanking around on her. When her hair is tangled it hurts a bit to have it brushed out. Or it simply just might not be what she had in mind for herself for this moment in time. I have empathy for her and her situation and I leave her alone.

Now it is time to have empathy for myself. I don’t like it when her hair looks like that. I am uncomfortable going out in public with hair like that. What will people think of me as a parent?

So what do I do? On most days I gather my self confidence and let the hair run wild, telling myself that my relationship with my daughter is more important than the opinions of complete strangers. Other days I wait. On this day I waited until Echo was involved in earnestly brushing her teeth and didn’t mind my hair wrangling. But when she said “Ouch! Please stop!”, I did. So we ended up with a half groomed child. Oh well. I can have empathy for that too.

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March 12, 2009 at 4:01 pm 2 comments


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